Am I older... better... or just getting started?

I was talking with someone recently who was lamenting the fact that they (we) are getting old. Shortly after that conversation I began to think about getting older. It’s something I rarely do, because, inside of this body I’m often looking out with the eyes of that 19 year old who had no idea what he was going to do in the world.

The fact is, I still don’t know what I’m going to do. I know what I’ve done, done well, done poorly, those things I don’t want to do again and maybe more importantly those things I’d like to repeat as often as possible as long as I’m alive.

Some days I feel like I really don’t know that old guy in the mirror. If I take a minute or two though, I begin to see the laughter that put each of the wrinkles on my face. I remember the great fun and conversations over the cold beers that seem to have taken up residence around my middle. Then I find myself remembering all the spills and thrills that seem to now occupy spots in my back and act up every once in a while so I’ll think of them.

I look at my bald head and remember days when I had hair, and the friends I’ve lost who never had a chance to grow bald or gray.

I remember heartache and heartbreak, falling in love, and out of love, the incredible smells of the Adirondack’s on a cold fall morning, or a warm summer afternoon and how it feels to be in love today!

The sheer joy of driving down country roads in the summer, on the motorcycle or with the top down in one of my old Triumph’s, summer vacations at Old Orchard Beach, the taste of fresh caught Maine lobsters are all things I feel so lucky to have experienced.

I know I’m not as ‘buff’ as I once was (I was probably never as buff as I remember being), but, I’ve earned every badge along the way.

I think there’s a two edged blade in aging. On the outside, and to the world, we’re older, maybe wiser, less impetuous, more mature and certainly more knowledgeable. On the inside however, for me, I’m still a kid. My inner child writing checks my body can not cash, or nearly hits bankruptcy when it does cash them. I still have that wide-eyed wonder at anything new I discover, can spend countless hours discovering all there is to discover about it then falling into a deep, sometimes several day sleep, when I’m done.

Some folks talk about ‘paying the price’… me, I’m thoroughly enjoying the price, of growing old(er). The flaws my body contains are like a roadmap, a photo album, of my travels and experiences. Each change reminding me of those times in the past when someone would say to me “You’ll pay for that when you’re older”… Maybe I am paying the price, today, but I’m truly enjoying being here to make the payments!