Anxiety…

Some folks equate it with fear, and as I wrote a little about fear recently, I thought I’d take a shot at fear's sibling, anxiety.

Webster’s defines anxiety as a state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.

Psychiatrists see it more as a state of apprehension, uncertainty, and worry resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.

Sounds a lot like fear though doesn’t it?

It’s different though, fears are generally a learned response, where we’re born with the makings of anxiety. All people feel anxiety… it might just be the butterflies in your stomach as you prepare to ask someone out on a date, the ‘rush’ that has you running out the door when you are running late in the morning, or maybe it’s that uneasy feeling as you head off on a trip to somewhere you’ve never been. Usually these feelings of anxiety are uncomfortable, but anxiety is just a normal part of being a human being.

In fact, anxiety, panic and worry are all part of the human experience.

Each of these aspects involves the anticipation of danger or threat. Anxiety is sometimes defined as a normal innate emotional alarm response to the anticipation of danger or threat. This means that it is part of our biological make-up as human beings. We don't learn to how to become anxious--we are born with it because it helps us to survive. Anxiety serves as an "alarm" to protect us from harmful aspects of our environment. Taken together this definition means that anxiety is an innate, protective response to our environment.

It’s when these feelings begin to rule our lives that they become a problem.

It can be difficult to tell if your level of anxiety is too high. The ‘rule of thumb’ I use is to ask myself "how much is this affecting my life, keeping me from doing the things I want to do."

Since anxiety is a normal part of life there are certain times that anxiety can actually be helpful. An optimal level of anxiety can contribute to positive performance. Too much anxiety, or too little, and your performance will be impaired.

The type of anxiety that’s been a problem for me is more of a… concern maybe…. That seems to surround some thing or event, future or uncertain, which in turn disturbs my mind, and keeps it in a state of (often painful) uneasiness.

It’s been with me most of my life, but seems to return with a vengeance when I need it least.

When starting new projects, often in the first meeting or two, I’ll find myself becoming anxious, worrying, and often at the very same time wondering where that feeling is coming from.

I’ve managed, for the most part, to keep it all at bay, most of the time. How, I’m not really sure.

When I was teaching, for example, I’d break into a cold sweat before the first class of the day, everyday. Despite that, I’d walk into that classroom anyway, and once I actually started the lecture, almost always, the anxiety would lessen and eventually disappear by the end of the day. Unfortunately, it almost always returned the next day, and I’d repeat the process.

I know what I was anxious about. That one of the students would ask a question I couldn’t answer, that I’d blow the lecture or, worse yet, somehow the students would know more about the subject than I did.

Was it irrational? Yes, it was. It was there though, and very real, regardless of how many times I proved to myself it was irrational. Still, I somehow found it within myself to press forward each and every day. I’ve wondered at times what would have happened if I hadn’t found the strength to do that, if, for whatever reason, I’d been unable to ‘press on’ and the anxiety had taken control. It’s not something I ponder often because that’s a reality that doesn’t make me anxious, it truly frightens me.

I sometimes wish I could put my finger on the specific moment in time where anxieties began to interfere with my life. It’s as if I could find that moment, and understand it, maybe I could change it. However, in all the research I’ve done, it’s been fairly clear that some of us just have more anxiety than others. Some have virtually none, some an appropriate amount and others, like me, have a bit too much. I feel fortunate that, for the most part I’m able to move past the anxiety, to move towards what I want to do despite it.

In those times where it paralyzes me to ‘inaction’, that I’m eventually, sometimes with the help of my wife, or a friend, to find a way to move forward again.

A little over a decade or so ago, my daily anxieties were so great I needed a medication to get me through that place. It had become so bad that the mere thought of going to work in the morning, or coming home at night filled me with dread. Dread of what? That was the strangest thing, there was no specific ‘thing’, it was just an overall feeling of ‘impending doom’ whenever I thought about doing anything, other than, what I was doing at that moment.

Once I was through that period, and with the help of a patient and knowledgeable therapist, I found I was able to get through the day without the medication and feel ‘normal’ again.

So, for the past 10 years or so now, anxiety and I have this sort of ‘cease fire’… I know it’s there and can feel it attempting to creep into my life nearly everyday. But now, instead of letting it in, I plunge forward before it can take over. Each time I do, and ‘nothing bad’ happens, it’s like a little victory for me. With each new victory, the next becomes a little easier.

Maybe it’s just my years on the planet that’s helping me move forward. Maybe it’s just raw determination… and maybe, just maybe it’s the result of knowing the downside of not taking back ‘control’ of my decisions, and not wanting to revisit the other side.

I’m not really sure what it is. What I am sure of is that I’m thankful I had a choice, and made the right choice for me!

I’m sitting here at this moment wondering why I’ve written all this. It was cathartic in a way, to put it on paper, but I think the real reason I did so, was in the hope of reaching someone who might be having a similar struggle. To let them know, they’re not alone, and that help is out there. Also, for those of you fortunate enough to not have this thing haunt you, but who may know someone who does, to give you a little glimpse of what they deal with, inside, everyday. To let you know that your one word of encouragement might be all they need to break through the moment and move forward once again.

Does anxiety grip you or a loved one? How do you, or they, handle it?

As always, thanks for stopping by, reading and especially for those of you who leave your comments behind!!