Sunday, June 18, 2006

Put away the hurt….

That’s what I’m working on today.

I mentioned around Mother’s Day how one of my wife’s children had initiated a re-entry into our lives. It was a particularly emotional period as this kid (young man) had really hurt us both by his actions.

I find myself dealing with putting the hurt away today. He called last night, wanted to know if I was aware that today was Father’s day, and would it be alright if he came up to spend some time with me.

I’ve spent a lot of time, and energy, over the past couple of years (which is how long it’s been since we’ve heard from him) convincing myself that his Mom was the one he hurt, not me.

I should have spent more time and energy because I didn’t manage to convince myself. I did tell him it would be fine for him to come up though. First, because I definitely don’t want to get in the way of he and his Mom putting their relationship back together. Second, because I miss having him in my life too. Not necessarily in that order either.

He and I had a great discussion a week ago last Wednesday (the day after Maryan’s surgery) she asked us to leave her room so she could sleep and he and I sat outside the hospital and talked for over two hours… like we used to do.

We covered a lot of ground too… and unless he’s picking up acting as a second career, he really seems to have grown up a ton in the last couple of years.

One of the things about Micah is how much he’s always reminded me, of myself, at his age. In thinking about that, I remember joining the service to just get away from my parents and begin ‘making my own mark’ on the world. He went off and found himself a job/career and is doing pretty well… he’s recently been reviewing his life and found himself thinking about how selfish his actions were a couple years ago.

It seems he’s discovered that being a ‘man’ is more than just doing what you want to do, but involves finding ways to live your own life, and yet retain room in there for your family as well.

So today will mark the beginning of our reconciliation as well…. Or at least I hope it will. Micah and I sort of ‘adopted’ each other. He’s definitely the closest thing to a son I’ve ever had, and he’s told me that I’ve been a better Dad to him than his biological father… So, if this works out, and we actually put things back together, it will definitely be the best Father’s day I’ve ever had… Previously, it was the year he started calling me ‘Pop’…

I’ve missed that…

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Jason Pickles said...

I understand what you mean. For me the roles are reversed.

Nina said...

We have been down that road too. Not with my children, but with John's daughters and it is still that way. I am glad there is still hope. May this be the best Father's Day you have ever had.

Lorna said...

Bill, I really hope this works for you; I admire it so much when people love like they've never been hurt.

Bill said...

Jason - Thanks... I've seen both sides, but only experienced this one... He's a good kid, I'd love to have things normalize between us.

Nina - I was a 'tough' kid, and no one could tell me anything... I rebelled and struck out on my own as soon as I could. I know that finally seeing my parents for their strengths, was a turning point for me. I hope John's daughters get to that place eventually.

Lorna - I don't know how to do 'conditional' love.. I'm either in, or out, not much in between for me. I may have been hurt, but that's mine to deal with, not his.

I believe he's sincere, and we had a great day today.

Thank you all for your kind words, just one more reason for me to keep blogging... I feel so fortunate to have you all as readers here!

Jada's Gigi said...

So glad to hear the Maryann is doing well...hope your time with your stepson went well don't always handle that "breaking away" time very well and parents don't either. I do hope your relationship is recoverable...nothing like a grown son ...:)

Bill said...

Cheryl - I'm glad she's doing so well too! Thanks!

The visit did go well, in fact I'm working up a post about it now.