Is Hope, hopeless?

There were some very interesting comments to yesterday’s post (thank you everyone!), some saying that unfounded hope breeds despair. That ‘hope’, without any real chance of achievement, is any empty, dark, place. That my friend and I were essentially talking about opposite sides of the same coin.

I’m not so sure I entirely agree, although I can see how someone could envision it that way. If someone ‘hopes’, or dreams, of things unattainable, yet somewhere internalizes that ‘unattainable’ to being attainable, who’s to say it’s not? Simply because it has not happened, is not proof it won’t.

Sprit of Owl commented that: “Sadly, Einstein died a miserably disheartened man”

I believe Einstein’s disillusionment towards the end of his life was not so much the result of what he wouldn’t have time to achieve, but with what others had done, and planned to do, with his discoveries. He never really imagined that anyone would actually use what he’d uncovered for anything but good. Once he’d seen the destruction, the terror, it could bring in the wrong hands, he spoke of wishing he’d never published his findings.

He said: “If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.”

Edison, while never creating any weapons of mass destruction, did create, and push for the electric chair. He saw that device as for the public good, today; the jury is still out on that. In any case it wasn’t his design that became the unit of choice anyway. Is it possible his design would have been better if he’d been more committed to the death penalty? I sure don’t know.

Let’s talk about the concept of hope where it leaves the person in despair. What type of hope would cause that? What dream is that person hanging on to that brings them such pain? Is it the hope, the dream, or something else that elicits this despondency?

The simple definition of pure insanity is continuing to do the same things, and expecting that different outcomes will result. Hope, is not an action, it’s a state of mind. To achieve that, which we hope for, requires action on our part.

The simple test (for me) is; are my actions bringing me closer to, or further from, that which I hope for? If the answer is closer to, the only remaining question is one of “what else can I do to move closer, faster”.

If the answer on the other hand, is further from (or simply not closer), the question then is ‘why’. Why are these actions moving you away from what you hope to achieve, and maybe more importantly, why, are you continuing on that course of action?

I can not fathom living with a hope, a dream, where I knew my actions were taking me away from that, and yet continued act in the same manner and to move away. Yes, I’ve dreamed of things I’ve never achieved, but in each case I ended up weighing the ‘cost’ of my dream, of my hopes.

You see everything has a cost. The cost may, or may not, be measured in dollars, but there’s a cost just the same. A cost in forgone opportunity, lost leisure time with friends or family, lost quality time with your partner or children, lost health, something, everything, has a cost.

The question I often ask myself, is do I have ‘enough’ left. Enough, of what ever it is I’m paying to pursue this particular dream. You see, there was a time; I’d pursue my dreams without regard to the cost. I’d pay any price, twice, to get where I wanted to go. I’m no longer quite so willing to pay ‘any’ price, now that I know the true costs.

If I were to achieve any of my dreams and, in the process, lose my wonderful wife, the cost would simply be ‘Too high’… I wouldn’t want it ‘Bad enough’ to give up what it would take to get there. So I’d let the dream go… stop hoping that a ‘miracle’ would happen and I’d get there without the cost (it isn’t going to happen!).

You can look at what many of the people in history ‘gave up’ to achieve their dreams to see what I’m talking about. The number of bankruptcies, failed relationships, ruined businesses that are in the wake of many of the most famous and successful people is staggering to me.

At this stage in my life, I want to be so much more multi-dimensional… to have a much broader focus, than a single minded goal allows.

So, let’s get back to hope, hopelessness and despair. What is at the root of those feelings and emotions? Is it the ‘hope’ itself? Or, is it as I contend, the lack of the correct actions that brings these feelings to our hopes? I know some folks who read this will say, but some people can not do the things they dream of. I contend they can, they just don’t know that yet. Sometimes, you have to take a step, on faith, believe it’s the right step, in order to find out if you’re right, or not.

To remain rooted, in inaction, takes you nowhere.

My blog friend firehawk said:

“Hoping in an idle and forlorn way for something to come to pass via a "miracle" or luck is something that captures people and turns their world to crap. It's these doomed hopes bereft of the energy to ever come true or the real knowledge that they could be, should be...these hopes are like anchor chains across a person's shoulders, because they're just self-deception.”

I couldn’t agree more, except, in my way of thinking, that’s not ‘hope’. Can hope, be, a ‘self-deception’, or is it the antithesis of self-deception? I’ve stated that Webster’s says hope is an aspiration, with an expectation of achievement.

I contend now, as I did in the original argument (oops, ‘discussion’), that delusional, self-deceiving or similar behavior is not ‘hope’, psychiatrists call it ‘self-deluding’ or delusional behavior, not hope.

To me, hope is dreams, imagination coupled with actions, hard work, and possibly a little luck. Let’s face it, there are things that happen that we have little or no ‘control’ over. Events can occur that, despite our best efforts, meticulous preparations and hard work, can or will, wreak havoc with our goals. When those events transpire, it’s time to reevaluate, make new choices and begin to move forward again. Not to cling blindly to the actions that got us here, in a misguided belief that continuing to do the same things will take us somewhere else.

So what do you think?

The next post will be about choice, and the role I believe it plays in our lives, our hopes and our happiness. That post will pretty much wrap up this topic for me, for now. I do hope though that I’ll manage to convince at least one reader that hope is not a bad mental state, but a powerful one when coupled with the right actions.

Thanks again for stopping by. I look forward to your thoughts and comments!