Sunday, May 22, 2005

Differing Viewpoints...

While we’re on the subject…

Well, balls, and parts closely associated with them….

Ok, so the segue is a stretch…


Men don’t ‘see’ the physical imperfections in the woman in their life.

They don’t. The fact that you want to get naked with us, on a regular basis, makes you the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. We don’t notice that your body isn’t the same as (insert celebrity of your choice here). She’s not here, with us, right now. You are. You’re here despite the fact we’ve lost some hair, added a few pounds, and grown some hair in paces it never grew before. You’re here, with us, despite our imperfection. That makes you absolutely stunning, sexy and attractive to us.

Men love ‘instructions’.

We want the woman we’re making love with to enjoy herself. To enjoy herself so much, she’ll want to repeat it again and again!! Unfortunately, often, we don’t know exactly what a woman wants, and unless she tells us, we end up fumbling around hoping we’ll find that ‘spot’. The problem is, we can get so excited in the search that…. Well…. You know. Also, we get frustrated that what was ‘wonderful’ last time, might not be the ticket this time!! So ladies, tell your guy what you like, what makes you feel good. This works especially well right before any real activity starts. Saying something like “Remember the (last or other) time we made love, and you…” could be a wonderful opening line to a fun filled evening for both of you! Trust me, we remember every time!!

Men worry about their appearance too.

Ladies look around, there aren’t that many of us that resemble (insert your favorite celebrity here) either. So we worry as well, in addition to what you know we worry about… we worry that we’re too; fat, skinny, tall, short, bald, fast, slow, hairy… not hairy enough… you get the picture. However, I’ve not met a woman yet who found the man she loved, unattractive, but yet, we worry too.

Men want to talk about sex with you (but we’re sometimes afraid to ask)

We want to hear anything, and everything. What you like, don’t like, your fantasies… Yes your fantasies!! We want to know every little detail. You can’t be too graphic, the more detail the better. Guys, in general, are detail oriented. Hey some of us can remember the torque specs for the timing cover on a ’57 Chevy, details… We love details! We want to tell you ours as well, but, like you (maybe?) we’re concerned you might think we’re a little strange. After all, you did choose to be with us, we don’t want to scare you away now!

On Growing older together.

Refer to the first item… we’re not noticing anything that sags, droops, drops or is otherwise not where it was when you were 20… The change was slow, we’ve just adapted along the way. We notice the changes in ‘us’, we’re not 20 any more either. We don’t have the same ‘rapid response’ system we once had. As a good friend once said: “At this age I need a 3-day running head start”… We worry you’ll attribute that, to you not being attractive to us any more. Not true, (see item #1 – you’re here, naked, and with us!) the signals just take a little longer to make the journey from the brain to the….

So what’s the point? There is a point, honest.

The point is, we each see things from our own eyes, thinking that our partner sees us, as we see ourselves. I don’t think that’s true, at least for the majority of people. We each see the other differently than that person ‘sees’ him/her self.

Ladies, when you look at the man in your life do you ‘see’ the weight he’s gained, or the hair he’s lost (or sprouted)? Do you see instead the man you fell in love with, love and want to make love to? Do you see that man you’re happy to see come home from work each evening, to share dinners, movies and life’s ups and downs with… or the ‘changes’?

I don’t believe the majority of men (or women), are so shallow as to actually ‘see’ the imperfections in their partner, I know I don’t. I see the same woman I fell in love with. I see the woman who makes me smile every time she steps outside to meet me when I get home. I feel the same arousal, urges, I always have, every time I see a glimpse of her undressing, undressed or just walking back from the end of the driveway in her ‘yard work’ clothes. I may not be able to act on them the way I could have when I was 20, but they’re still there all the same (and I still want to act on them!).

It reminds me of a little poem that used to hang on my youngest brothers bedroom wall, it was entitled ‘Why Worry” and was listed as author unknown. It went, as I recall something like this:

Why worry?

In this life there are only two things to worry about.
Either you will be rich or poor.

If you are rich, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you are poor, there are only two things to worry about.

Either you will be healthy or sick.
If you are healthy, there is nothing to worry about.

But if you are sick, there are two things to worry about.
Either you will live or you will die.

If you live, there is nothing to worry about.
If you die there are only two things to worry about.

You will either go to heaven or to hell.
If you go to heaven, there will be nothing to worry about.

If you go to hell, you'll be so darn busy shaking hands with all your friends,
you won't have time to worry!

Sooooo..... Why Worry?

So that’s my point, why worry. Instead, enjoy each other. If your partner’s not complaining about the things you’re worrying about, you’re worrying without ‘cause’. Why not worry about more important things… like finding more ‘alone’ time together, a way to ‘get-a-way’ for a weekend every once in a while… to do the things you enjoy doing, together… to forget the bills, the leaky faucet, the peeling paint, the lawn needs mowing… all of that… and spend some time together, like you used to…. Life is far to short to spend it worrying!!

As always, thanks for reading. Your comments are appreciated!


Karyn Lyndon said...

I have a couple of "older" single (one divorced, one widowed) friends who were lamenting that there was no way they would get naked with a man now that their bodies have "matured". I told them, "Believe me, the men are just as worried and insecure about thier bodies "maturing" as you are." You have proved my point. Thanks. Of course, I would think the secret to dating in the "declining years" is to develop a loving, secure relationship BEFORE the clothes come off. Come to think of it, that's true at any stage in life.

As far as communication, you are a fool not to tell your mate what curls your toes. Today is my parent's 50th wedding anniversary...that would be a freakin' long time to be having non-toe-curling sex (in my humble opinion) when all you would have to say is "could you move that a little to the left, honey? mmmm, yes, right there."

Bill said...

*Exactly*!! In my opinion, the best time for the clothes to come off is once you've decided you really want to be with a person. The 'zipless' encounters are nice... until you've had something more, well, 'involved'... and... Communication is the key to great 'toe-curling' sex for certain

Karyn Lyndon said...

I linked your article to my blog...hope you don't mind.

Bill said...

Not at all, I'm glad you liked it enough to do so! Thanks!

blake.mcstravick said...

"Men don’t ‘see’ the physical imperfections in the woman in their life."
This is very true.

Firehawk said...

I'd say that sketchy, distant, or angry behavior is a lot more disturbing to most men than a few pounds or a wrinkle here or there.

On the subject of men caring about their appearance, too...that's very true. Not just appearance, but a lot of other issues. I once told a female friend that men were just big masses of performance anxiety with feet.

A change of pace, Bill. Good post.

Bill said...

Thanks Blake, I knew I wasn't the only one!

Firehawk: "men were just big masses of performance anxiety with feet" - heh-heh.. perfect! You're also right about 'behavior' being far more important than physical changes... emotional distance is the single most difficult thing for me.. Thanks as always for reading, and your comments.

jenbeauty said...

This was very insightful. I appreciate hearing a man's opinion and you have really helped me to understand that maybe my hubby is not seeing what I see in myself.

Thanks for sharing this with all the bloggers out there. I got here through Karyn, whom I saw through Pooh Corner.