Monday, August 15, 2005

Something I rarely do…. A little of someone else's humor.

Nina stopped by yesterday to see us, and check in on Maryan. As usual we ended up having a meal, and watching a couple of movies. One of the things she brought with her was the “I’d like to take it back” moments that follow. Either they’re really funny, or I really needed to laugh because I was laughing almost too hard to read them!

Here we go:


Salon Moment

I walked into a busy hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and proceeded to ask loudly, “How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob?” I turned around and walked out and never went back. My husband didn’t say a word… he knew better!

Golf pro shop moment

I was in the golf pro shop comparing different kinds of golf balls. I’d become unhappy with the women’s type I’d been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good looking gentlemen who work there. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking I looked him straight in the eye and proclaimed, “I think I like playing with men’s balls.”

Mall moment

My sister and I were at the local mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were carefully looking over the display case, the young man behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied simply, “No, I’m just looking at your nuts.” My sister started laughing hysterically, the young man grinned and I turned beet-red. To this day my sister has never let me forget it!

Child moment (Art Linkletter was right, they do say the darndest things)

Have you ever asked a child a question one too many times? My 3 year old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at a Taco-Bell for a quick lunch between errands. It was very busy that day, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco I smelled something ‘funny’, so I of course checked my 7 month old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized Danny had not asked to go to the potty in quite a while, I asked him if he needed to go, he said, “No”.

I kept thinking that he’d had an accident and I hadn’t brought any clean clothes for him with us. I asked him again, “Danny, are you sure you didn’t have an accident?” “No, I didn’t” he replied.

I just knew he must have as the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, “Danny, did you have an accident?”

This time he jumped up, yanked down his shorts, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled “See Mom.. it’s just farts!!” All 30 or so patrons nearly choked on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An older couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they’re ever had!

Evening News Moment

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for several days, and a very embarrassed female news anchor, who in the future will, most likely, think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict a major snowstorm and it doesn’t occur? This female news anchor, the day after the predicted snow had failed to materialize, turned to the weatherman and asked: “So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?”

Not only did he have to leave the set, but half of the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

I hope some of those made you laugh as hard as they did me! Sometimes, a good laugh is exactly what you need, and you don’t know it, until you’ve had it!! My thanks to Nina for, as always, brightening our day.

We spent some time (about 4.5 hours) in the ER today, on the orders of her surgeon, checking out the fever that’s been showing up since surgery. It turns out that it must just be her body’s reaction to the surgery, and the healing process, as they couldn’t find any evidence of an infection or other systemic problem that would be causing it.

I suppose some folks would be upset about being there all that time to be told it wasn’t anything more serious than a fever. Me, I’m happy knowing that’s all it is. Now we can just move forward, keeping it under control with Tylenol etc, and not have that ‘nagging’ worry that something more sinister was going on.

So that’s about it from here today. I’ll probably have to head into the job in the morning, at least for a half day on site as there are a few things I cannot do from here. I’ll play it by ear and see how she’s doing in the morning.

I’m hopeful that by this weekend I can get back to the truck project. Today, at the moment it’s about 93, with a heat index of 105… still too hot to make any meaningful progress anyway, but with each day that slips by I feel like I’m moving further from my timeline. I hate that feeling!!

As always, thanks for stopping by. If you hadn’t noticed it seems I’ve made the ‘Spam’ hit parade. I don’t know if I should be flattered, or pissed off. I suppose I’ll have to do a little research now on blocking spammers and their assault on the comments area… I’m sure someone, somewhere has already devised a fix, at least for the ‘automated’ processes.

I could disable anonymous comments, but that seems like giving in to me…. I’m open to suggestions if anyone knows of a solution that works!


mg said...

"See Mom, It's just farts" *LAUGH*



heh... AHEM... ok.

I've disabled anonymous comments, and it stil hasn't stopped them.


Spirit Of Owl said...

ROTFL! Yup, I had a helluva laugh reading those! Thanks Bill!

Fingers crossed for Maryan, hope things are getting better. Mrs Owl has just had a dental nightmare over the weekend, so I too have been called to husbandly duty! Best wishes to you both!

Other than Haloscan I don't think there's any solution to the spam. It's down to Blogger to deal with it, I would have thought.

Nic said...

Yeah, I got the spam attack today too. Dear friend, your comment brightened my day today. It's always a pleasure when you stop in to say "Hi"! I'll be keeping your sweet Maryan in my prayers for the complete recovery after her surgery. Both of you are a real blessing!

greg said... that fever!
Travis just spent a month in the hospital after a "routine" surgery had a post op infection...nearly died!...Don't let that happen to Maryan cause we need her to keep you sane.

Bill said...

mean_girl - I 'snorted' when I read that one too! I had a spam comment that was longer than my post from a registered blogger account.. so I know what you mean!

Spirit - Glad they made you laugh, sorry to hear about Mrs. Owl, hope she's feeling better very soon. Haloscan would stop the anonymous comments, sort of, but I sispect they'll find their way there as well. We'll probably end up using something like the alphanumeric images Yahoo uses to slow them down.

Nic - I stop by often, it's just that lately I hadn't had much to add. I felt pretty stongly about your situation though... I'm glad my thoughts made you smile.

Greg - Welcome back old man! Sorry to hear about Travis... is he Ok now? I'm on to[ of things here bro... I, even more than you, know how important she is to my sanity... Even I don't want to see that 'other' me again!!

Drop me a note, let me know how Travis is doing!

Jay said...

Just farts! I feel guilty. I laughed out loud - like, sputtered out loud, and poor husband is trying to sleep in the next room.

Bill said...

Jay - I hope you didn't wake the hubby... but I'm very glad you laughed out loud!!